My overthinking mind made me hate myself.
I constantly criticized and judged myself 24/7:
“why am I not happy like other people?”
“why am I unworthy of love and respect?”
“why am I lonely?”
I even judged myself for the miserable way I was thinking and feeling, amplifying my anxiety.
I hated my introversion, my crooked teeth, and even my height.
People reflected my self-hate to me. I didn’t get any approval or respect from them.
This was the constant self-created hell I was living in. I couldn’t find an escape from this inner void of unhappiness.
So I cut myself off from people and battled my inner demons alone. I started meditating and it brought me relief after several months of practice.
On this healing path, there was a huge inner shift that happened that transformed me completely:
“I started loving and being there for myself even on my worst days, which greatly soothed my suffering and accelerated my healing.”
There were no inner parts of me fighting against each other. I accepted and included all parts as mine with compassion.
This shift took me to a point where I became happy being alone. I became my own best friend.
And funnily enough, I started attracting people who loved me for who I am, when I became whole and complete within myself.
Why do we self-abuse?
Humans are the most dependent creatures on the planet. We need caretakers till around the age of 18.
We develop survival strategies to fit into the family dynamics to ensure we are not thrown out of the family and left stranded.
We suppress authentic parts of ourselves to fit in.
For example:
If your parents turn cold towards you when you express anger, you judge anger as bad and suppress it to win their love and approval.
You grow up hating and never showing your angry side, and it will greatly hurt your mental health because of all the suppressed emotional pain and you won’t have any boundaries that make some people disrespect and hurt you.
And your suppressed anger finds its way out in a very unhealthy way by being passive-aggressive or lashing out at people unconsciously.
This is just one scenario.
You will hate and suppress different emotions depending on the family dynamics you grow up in.
This is the reason why you self-abuse with a myriad of addictions and harsh self-criticism to cope with these painful suppressed emotions.
The never-ending thirst of neediness:
Escaping these suppressed painful emotions makes you feel incomplete and miserable inside.
So you might take the external route of trying to fill your inner void by chasing relationships and material stuff hoping that you will feel fulfilled sometime by achieving more.
The only thing this chronic behavior makes sure of is that you grow more needy and lifeless over time.
In relationships, you might constantly be feeling the need to be loved by everyone.
So you chase love hoping that somebody will fill your inner void with love. You feel like it’s the duty of others to love you.
You become this energy vampire who takes and takes without giving anything in return. It completely drains people.
That’s why people get repelled when you have needy energy.
And to not lose the relationship and feel the painful inner void, unconsciously you might even manipulate to keep people in your life.
This is why relationships are so hard for people who don’t love themselves.
The broken formula of society:
Our entire society functions on self-hate.
Because if people start to love themselves there won’t be:
- Big pharma.
- Beauty industry.
- Fast foods.
- Dating apps.
and more.
All these industries thrive because of self-hating people who try to fill the void with external pursuits of pleasure.
You don’t have to follow this broken formula of society anymore. There is a holistic way out to wholeness.
Listen to those painful parts inside you and allow yourself to feel the pain they are expressing by being more compassionate and loving to yourself.
Doing so, those parts will heal making you feel whole and complete. So you can start living a fulfilling life filled with connection, joy, and love.
Shifting from self-hate to self-love:
To shift from self-hate to self-love, there are 3 core lessons that you have to master.
Let’s explore them one-by-one:
Lesson 1: Be there for yourself fully
People who hate themselves are known for abandoning themselves, chasing external validation and love.
Doing so, their inner pain grows so big that they start to project their pain unconsciously onto people, which leads to fights and disconnection.
To turn your situation around, you have to be there for yourself fully when you feel the pain. No matter whether you are angry, sad, or depressed.
You have to be lovingly and compassionately there for yourself without self-judgement.
A good analogy for this is “If a kid comes to you crying, how do you treat the kid?”
Do you beat him/her up for crying or will you be compassionate and nurturing?
Most likely nurturing. right?!
Be that loving parent to yourself. That’s how you slowly become your own best friend. Then your healing journey becomes much smoother.
By practicing this lesson, you don’t become selfish. You become so full of love that you start to overflow and nourish others freely without any conditions.
Lesson 2: Do stuff you love doing
There will be at least one hobby/activity in your life which excites you.
Simply do that thing. That opens up space for self-love because you are nurturing your soul.
Now you might be having excuses to not do that like:
“I will be lonely doing it.”
“It bothers my parents.”
“It’s not socially acceptable.”
Become aware of your thought patterns and stop believing those excuses your mind makes.
And if that thought of “doing what you love” is too frightening, ask why you are afraid and be open to feel that feeling you are afraid of. That’s how you free yourself.
Lesson 3: Cut off draining people
Cut off people who drain your energy and make you hate yourself more.
You have to be courageous enough to say “I’m done” and move on.
Yes, you might be feeling lonely temporarily. Use it as a chance to get to know yourself better.
Invite those feelings of loneliness and be compassionate to yourself in those times(following lesson 1).
That’s how you really start to enjoy your own company. When you do that, you will attract people who reflect the wholeness and love that you have for yourself.
These 3 lessons are enough for you to guide to great depths of love and bliss making your self-healing journey much easier.
P.S. See if we are a fit to work together to help you heal your anxiety and invite clarity, peace, and joy with a free clarity call here.
