Once, I had a confident day:
Where conversations flowed effortlessly because I somehow forced myself to stop caring what people think.
For the first time in my university life, I felt visible and respected.
Finally, I thought, here is the time to enjoy the result of 6 months of YouTube binge learning strategies to be confident.
Watching 100s of hours of content on:
“How to be confident?”
“How to stop caring what people think?”
“How to maintain conversations?”
So on and so forth…
As those videos suggested, I started practicing positive thinking and affirmations like “What people think is none of my business”.
I thought my social life was about to take off. Boy, I was wrong!.
It all crumbled the next day when my bully saw my level up and completely destroyed my built-up confidence by putting me down in front of other people.
I felt worse than ever. All the confidence I enjoyed burst in a minute.
From then on, it was hard for me to have any form of conversation. I completely retreated to my cocoon.
Years later, I finally tapped into “core confidence” after 100s of hours of deep inner work, releasing subconscious limiting beliefs that made me lose confidence that was natural to me as a kid in the first place.
The invisible prison of boosting confidence:
You might be currently trying to boost your confidence:
Perfecting your hairstyle, Abs, Skin tone, Trendy clothes, Sunglasses, and whatnot.
You might also be practicing strategies like voice training, maintaining eye contact, perfecting your walks, body posture, etc.
Or you might be flexing and chasing money, status, cars, and all forms of achievements.
Or even affirmations like “I’m confident” 10 times in front of the mirror every day.
You might even be getting some boost in confidence from all these hours putting into practice.
No matter how much you train your conscious mind this way, if you are somewhat aware, you will always feel like something deep is missing.
Deep down, you feel like a fraud who is trying to hide his anxiety and insecurities from people with all kinds of decorations(Strategies).
You fear the day when people see through your masks and unhook how you truly feel.
All these strategies you have put hours into will fail you one day because the truth is, “Only one who is not confident at the core has to boost his confidence.”
That’s the biggest bubble you are afraid of bursting.
Forcing an “I don’t care” attitude:
From months and years of hard practice, you might have even reached the state of “I don’t care”, where you walk and talk like a boss who don’t give a shit about people.
This feels good temporarily as you feel somewhat socially free.
But over time, if you are smart enough, you will realize:
You are miserable and lonely because you don’t have the ability to connect intimately with people.
That your “I don’t care” attitude was a reactive behaviour you took because of the deep insecurity you feel on a subconscious level.
I promise you, this feeling of separation is not what you want. It’s what your ego made you believe you want.
There is a paradigm where you effortlessly feel confident, and it doesn’t need any painful strategies to maintain. Let me introduce it to you…
The realm of effortless confidence:
What you are truly looking for is deeply fulfilling human relationships where you receive love and respect effortlessly without demanding or pleasing.
For that to be your reality, you have to become a human who is confident enough that you are worthy of love and respect.
In fact, you don’t have to become confident, you just have to reconnect with natural confidence that you have lost as a result of societal programming.
Don’t believe me that you are naturally confident? Just look at a kid.
Does a kid need designer clothes, a perfect physique, or any of the strategies adults use to feel confident?, Nope.
A kid is naturally confident with the ability to:
- talk to anybody about anything.
- be completely goofy and carefree in any social setting.
- Say NO to people without any guilt or shame.
That’s why kids are charming, and everybody loves to spend time with kids.
The thing you forgot is that you were that kid once: the kid who is effortlessly confident and can connect deeply with anybody.
You suppressed that cool, confident kid inside you by investing in all the limiting beliefs and rules society taught you.
Your job is not to learn confidence again, but to unlearn stuff that got programmed inside your head that keeps you from experiencing natural core confidence.
If you are tired of trying to heal your anxiety and insecurities, watch this18-minute fundamental training.
The absolute social freedom:
Once you tap into this core confidence by unlearning:
- You won’t feel the need to impress others.
- You don’t have to try to look cool.
- You don’t need fancy words to win people.
All the connection and intimacy you seek socially will come as a result of the irresistible authentic energy you emit.
Conversations will flow smoothly. People will feel at ease with you because you feel at ease inside.
Nobody or no situation can rob this core confidence from you because it flows from within you.
But to get to this level of core confidence is not an easy feat. It requires deeply letting go of all the limiting ways you have learned.
Unlock core confidence:
These are the 4 practices that will help you unlock core confidence:
1. Relaxing in social situations:
If you tense up as a response to challenging social situations, you get into your head and go on this self-judgment loop that amplifies your suffering.
When those situations make you feel insecure or anxious, breathe deeply and relax into it.
This will help you connect with your body and make you feel more at ease once the intensity of your feelings subsides.
Practicing relaxation will help you handle challenging situations constructively and help you tap into your core confidence.
2. Stop fighting against yourself:
Stop fighting against your insecure thoughts and feelings.
The more you fight by judging them as bad, the more they have control over you.
Instead, treat them like guests visiting your home. Accept them. Let them come and go in their own time.
This will help you become your own best friend, opening up space to invite core confidence.
3. Challenge your beliefs:
Beliefs you have about yourself that make you insecure are not your truth.
You didn’t have any limiting beliefs as a kid. You were free.
Those beliefs are what you learned from your childhood relationships as a part of growing up.
Discredit those beliefs when they pop up and remind yourself of situations in your life that proved the opposite.
For example:
If you believe “I’m unworthy of love”, discredit those beliefs by reminding yourself of any situations where you felt loved.
This will lessen the power and impact that belief has over you.
4. Not taking things personally:
In this inner journey to confidence, you will come across people who are challenging. They will make fun of you, judge and hate you.
You can take things personally by relating it to your past and feel like a victim, or you can realize the truth:
The truth is that how people react to you is their projection, i.e., how they subconsciously feel about themselves.
If you react to them, you fall into the trap of seeing those projections as the truth about you.
From this understanding, you can see the fun in these silly games people play to feel some sense of self-worth.
If you make changes with these simple practices, you will unlock your core confidence that was hidden behind layers of trauma.
Hope you got value out of this read.
Thank you
Pranav
P.S.
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