I felt like an outsider from my childhood.
My friends at the time didn’t care if I was available to play, which hurt me a lot.
I did most of my things alone. It was very hard for me to fit in.
I coped with being independent because I never experienced an emotional connection growing up in my family.
My internal problems amplified to a whole new level when I did my college.
I was sharing rooms with other people in my hostel, they slowly saw through my facade.
Over time, my roommates made fun of and judged me for my introversion.
This pulled me into chronic levels of introversion. I only opened my mouth when somebody asked something to me.
I got some relief when I moved out of the hostel and started living alone. I found some comfort in my loneliness.
But I felt empty inside. I felt like I missed something very important in my life, human connection.
I felt so alienated seeing my old friends enjoying their human friendships and dancing it out.
I constantly judged and compared myself to them:
“Why can’t I talk like them?”
”Why can’t I have friends like them?”
This constant self-judgment just amplified my anxiety.
I went through my personal hell finally accepting my lonely state, and started having compassion for myself. That’s when things finally started to shift for me.
With deep inner work, I slowly became a natural extrovert and started making real connections. I started only allowing energizing people into my life.
Loneliness is not normal:
“The word loneliness never seems adequate to describe the torment of starvation for closeness.”
– Teal swan
Humans are social beings. Love and emotional support are our basic needs for well-being.
That’s why we even lose our appetite when we go through a breakup.
If we don’t have people in our lives who can meet our basic need for connection, we seek addictions to cope with our pain.
One of the most common addictions nowadays is social media and the internet. It has greatly amplified our loneliness and separation while making us falsely feel like we are connected to everybody.
Most of us spend more time scrolling through our phones than being present with our friends and families.
We spend time having conversations on our phones than in real life, because we can hide our vulnerabilities behind a device.
Nowadays most people just play the “I’m fine” role, acting like they are happy in front of others while dying a slow lonely death inside. It is the worst when you are depressed and nobody can see it.
Imagine what a different world we would be living in, If people felt safe enough to express their raw feelings and needs, and had compassion for each other instead of holding judgments.
If this was the reality, we would have deeper connection and empathy towards each other, low addiction rates, and suicides.
Independence is overrated:
Nowadays, Independence is celebrated like it is the North Star.
Yes, independence is good:
- You want to get out of a toxic family line that you had grown up in.
- You want to get away from control-freak bosses with an impactful business.
But Independence is just a checkpoint, not the entire picture.
Independence will reveal to you what you really lack, connection(only if you listen to yourself). And if you don’t make meaningful connections, your life will suffer.
To go from independence to connection is the real leap. You have to unlearn the emotional traumas that made you seek independence in the first place and relearn safety again.
Then only you will experience genuine happiness and fulfillment, by creating healthy relationships.
Most people stay anxious and stuck afraid to leap from independence to connection, so they spend the remaining of their lives feeling empty in their hearts.
My modern mystic guidance program helps you take this leap much easier with “emotional experiencing”.
Humans thrive in families and communities:
You thrive when you are surrounded by other loving people.
You depend on others for everything.
- The food you eat is produced by someone else.
- The clothes you wear are produced by someone else.
- The disease you catch is treated by someone else.
Stop living like your life doesn’t depend on others, it does.
When you can meet other people’s needs and when they can meet yours, that’s when you truly experience heaven on earth with connection.
For that, you need to learn to be vulnerable with your feelings and needs.
When you have a loving group of humans with whom you can openly share your problems and gain perspectives from, life becomes much easier. Work runs smoother. Leisure time is much more enjoyable.
Remember, healthy relationships can help you navigate the challenges at work, but work can never help you navigate challenging relationships.
Turning loneliness into connection: “Tribe magnet protocol”
Connection is not escaping loneliness. Connection is when you are happy being alone while actively enjoying healthy relationships.
Most people confuse attachment for connection. They can’t stand loneliness and try to escape themselves with people. That’s when you manipulate others to stay so you don’t feel the weight of loneliness again. It’s even more toxic and leaves you more traumatized.
Let’s see how you can turn loneliness into connection without hurting yourself and others in the process:
1. Unpack your stories about people:
You carry limiting stories and hurting memories from your past relationships, that’s why you might prefer loneliness.
See what comes up for you when you think about relationships and people.
The beliefs might be:
“Relationships are hard.”
“People don’t care about me.”
“Love is an illusion.”
These beliefs are ingrained inside you during your childhood, from the relationship dynamics mostly with your parents and childhood friends.
These stories might be true when you were a child, but now it’s not.
There are more loving people out in the world who would be very happy to get into deeply loving relationships with you.
Start questioning your beliefs, they are moldable. You can always create a new belief, instead of believing in the old.
2. Reconnect with yourself:
Your relationship with others is a reflection of the relationship you have with yourself.
If you don’t respect yourself, others won’t respect you.
If you don’t feel safe within yourself, others won’t feel safe with you.
If you feel anxious, others will feel anxious around you.
Have a 10-30 minute pocket of “me time” where you sit alone with yourself without any distractions every day and see how you feel about yourself.
“Do you enjoy your own company or do you feel bored?”, that’s how others feel about you.
If you feel pain when you sit alone with yourself, sit with those feelings. Let yourself feel through it.
Have compassion and love for yourself, instead of judging for the way you feel.
That’s how you slowly reconnect with yourself with practice and you will start to feel whole again.
3. Reinvent your relationships:
When you start to re-establish a healthy relationship with yourself, others start to feel and reflect that.
Cut off from people who are judgmental and drain your energy. You will make space for people who actually love you for who you are.
- Express your feelings and needs and create a safe space for others to express theirs.
- Establish healthy boundaries by actively saying NO to experiences you don’t like.
- Never dim your self expression to fit in with people.
When you practice these 3 principles, see if any painful feelings start to arise and if it does, feel them fully and release.
By doing so, you will create healthy relationships that make your life infinitely meaningful and enjoyable.
P.S.
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