From childhood, I was judged critically by my grandmother no matter what I did.
She followed me 24/7, giving me no space to breathe and finding mistakes in my actions.
There was this constant chatter of “Don’t do this. Don’t do that.”
At one point, this pattern completely broke me. I became so introverted and passive to avoid the pain of being judged by people.
This pattern repeated into my teenage years, and my pain was triggered constantly when people judged me for being silent.
I coped with it by becoming more silent and accumulating more inner pain in the process.
I even started judging myself: “Why am I like this!” which amplified my anxiety to a whole new level.
I only started to heal when I finally accepted my silent, vulnerable self and became okay with people’s judgements.
This is why your pain gets triggered!
You carry limiting beliefs and suppressed emotions from your childhood that happened as a result of parenting.
For example:
Let’s say your parents expected you to always be your best at academics and punished/judged you for not living up to their standards and making mistakes.
From this relationship dynamic, you might grow a belief that “Failing is dangerous”.
You might also have suppressed your emotions like sadness and powerlessness deeply inside your subconscious mind, as your parents expected you to be strong and give your best.
Carrying this pattern into adulthood, you encounter instances where you are likely to make a mistake.
You subconsciously get triggered, and you might skip big opportunities because you think you will make a mistake. You might not even consciously know why you are acting like that.
Without letting go of the subconscious belief, a transformation is not possible for you.
This is just one example. There are 1000 other possible patterns that you develop over the years depending on the relationship dynamics you experienced within your family.
Pain paints your reality:
“The people who trigger us, or cause us to feel negative emotions are messengers. They are messengers for the unhealed parts of our being.”
– Teal swan
As an adult, what you normally do is escape/react to the pain when someone or some situations trigger some heavy emotions inside you that you suppressed during your childhood.
Especially if you react to people for triggering your pain, it triggers theirs, which only leads to more conflict and pain.
So, everything you do in life becomes a strategy to cope with your pain. So you become so careful with your actions, and they get super-limiting.
You will miss a ton of opportunities in your work and relationships because you are afraid that it will trigger your pain.
Over time, you get more and more miserable as you judge and hate yourself for the limiting behaviours you carry, but you don’t know why you have them in the first place.
Your life reaches a boiling point where there is no other option for you to move forward and live a good life unless you face your pain.
You might think you will attract more painful experiences if you focus on the pain. Nope.
You are already attracting painful experiences because the pain is ingrained within your subconscious mind, which is infinitely more powerful than your conscious mind.
So, you are focusing on the pain to release it from your system and free yourself from the pattern, not to add to it.
Watch this fundamental training to avoid suffering from years of trial and error on your path to healing from anxiety.
Thank your protection mechanisms:
“Nothing binds you except your thoughts; Nothing limits you except your fears; and nothing controls you except your beliefs.“
– Marianne williamson
Your protection mechanisms helped you navigate life safely when you were a kid. It helped you fit in with your family line.
But as an adult who comes in contact with life’s challenges, these mechanisms will limit you from growing as a person and experiencing life to the fullest.
You need to let go of these mental chains to take on new opportunities that will help you live a fulfilling life.
It’s time to say “thank you” to your protection mechanisms that kept you safe.
They are not needed now. You can take care of yourself as an adult. You are ready to thrive, not just survive.
Life is a mirror:
People and situations trigger your pain because your life is a mirror. A mirror to the core energetic signature you carry. It reflects what you are hiding inside.
That’s why you attract people and experiences that trigger the painful emotions and beliefs you carry within your subconscious mind.
Life does this not because it wants to hurt you. It wants you to heal and stop playing small in life.
Life wants you to face your emotional pain, process it, and move through it to become an authentic being who lives a fulfilling life with inner peace and clarity.
This pain is what I help you release with my “emotional experiencing” process to help you heal from anxiety and experience social freedom. Click here to learn more.
The trail of triggers: Invite relief
Now, let’s see how you can follow the trail that triggers reveals to unstuck yourself from painful patterns that bring you constant anxiety.
Step 1: Be in the trigger
This is counterintuitive. You are used to escaping the painful trigger when it happens by distracting or reacting to it.
These coping behaviours take away the intensity of the trigger.
Choose to be in the trigger when it comes online next time.
If you are in public, it’s going to be hard as you won’t feel safe enough to fully unpack your emotions.
Go back home and just reimagine and experience the situation that triggered you.
Step 2: Follow the trail
Triggers reveal your pain or your resistance to pain.
Just listen to whatever shows up for you, whether it’s painful emotions or resistance to feeling them. It carries a message.
Don’t get sucked into the stories your mind tells you.
Your goal is to be fully with the sensations that you feel in your body.
This step will be hard if your system is never used to it. But this is the exact step that brings you closer to relief.
The only way out of the storm is through the storm.
Learn how to increase your natural capacity to feel good.
Step 3: Let emotions shift naturally
Emotions and sensations will shift naturally on their own if you just be with them.
Another trap you fall into at this point is wanting an emotional shift to happen.
This is like wanting a crying baby to stop crying so it can feel good. If you just be with the crying baby instead, she will naturally get relieved after some time.
You have to be with your emotions fully, no matter the emotion.
Once you can do that, naturally, it will lead to relief.
These are the 3 steps that will help you break free from a painful pattern in your life and create a more fulfilling reality for yourself.
P.S.
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